I went to church today.........first time in a long time. I guess there is not really a right or wrong decision when you decide what church you are going to go to, you just need to find one that feels good. A place where you feel like when you leave, you look forward to the next time you will go again. A place that welcomes you with open arms and does not judge you. Comfortable, forgiving, peaceful......
I can't say that I was not a bit apprehensive going at first. Kinda felt like I was in "trouble" because God knew that I hadn't made that visit in a very long time. When I walked through the doors I noticed a few different things immediately. I noticed that there were many different people, from many walks of life, all joining together for the same purpose. There were some dressed up to the nines, some in jeans, young teens, old couples, business people, and even some biker looking dude. Although we live in a large community, I was quite surprised to recognize people there that did not strike me as "church-goers" if you can use the term. People I see occasionally - at the corner store, or passing by in the mall. In the end, as I stood there peering around (secretly, of course) I noticed the common look on their faces. As they sang hymns, prayed, talked, had a laugh or two, there was a gentle silence radiating from the inside, out. There was a moment during that hour of service that they forgot about the pain they had yesterday, the struggle, the worries of that bill looming over their head, or what was going to happen at work tomorrow. They forgot and just enjoyed the moment where they believed, and they "let go - and let God".
Some use Drugs or Alcohol, vices, to have that moment where they can forget their worries and enjoy that freedom but of course it is short lived. It is like a roller coaster ride of ups and downs - never consistent. I think that the Power of Faith, although the believer may ask God "why" a time or two in their lives - remains constant. Deep down we know it is there - we just have to open our hearts, and let ourselves believe.
I am not new to God and his message - I know it is there, and it has always been. My journey to Church today began with my daughter who is sixteen. She is wise beyond her years, and mature so many ways. Two years ago she accepted the Lord in her heart and began her own journey. She asked me if I would go to church somewhere with her. Maybe try to find someplace to go on a regular basis, a new start. Inside I felt happy that she wanted me to share in her own journey of faith, discovery, and life. I was proud to know that she wanted to include me. I realized right then that SHE was created to help ME rediscover myself. I truly believe she was Gods gift to me. Born sixteen years ago to renew that faith and wake me up to what I knew was there, but just had to rediscover. A messenger. A miracle of life. An angel.
I feel a renewal inside, like a spring bloom hidden under the covers of the bitter snow. A quiet strength and a hunger that just seems to gnaw my inner spirit. It won't go away, and it is renewed in me.
I am looking forward to my journey once again, and of course............ next Sunday.
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