Paycheck????? what is your worth??

For the first time in my life I am faced with this question......
 
I remember the very first job that I ever had.  I was fourteen.  I delivered papers in our neighborhood for over a year in my hometown.  This entry into the working world was the start of many, many different types of jobs.  I was a teenager, thats what we did......find a job, decide that we needed to try something different, find another job.  Despite the job change, it did not matter. There was always somewhere local hiring - and always a new job available to try.  Finding a new place to work with lots of hours available was never ever an issue.   I grew up in a Oil town.  Despite the ups and downs in the economy over the years, our hometown remained pretty stable.  "Big Oil" meant lots of money to throw around......It was lovingly coined "Fort McMoney" from many outsiders.  I always had a job in my hometown no matter what  I wanted to do.

Years ago I walked away from the Oil money, and made the choice of family first.  I was fortunate to be able to have this option.  I have never regretted my choice to leave the shiftwork and be more available to be a full time Mom for my kids.  I had a trade, I could make as much money as I wanted.  I could choose the job, and have everything.  In the Oil community, the employees ran the show.  But, over time, I came to realize that for me, there was not enough value in this type of paycheck, at the price of missing my children.  With each passing paycheck, the Oil money was losing its shine for me.  With the emotional support of my husband, I decided to choose my family first and be a full time homemaker while my children were still little.  This time in their lives was precious and I did not want to miss it.  This was my own personal choice.  I will never judge what any other Mom decides to do when it comes to her family.  I have met many, many, Moms that have made different choices and I support them all.  Only you  know what will works for you, and your choice is your own.   I had  a neighbor who used to always say to me..." I will be the first to admit that I am a better Mom, working"... and she was right.  She worked full time out of the house and she knew without a doubt, that this is what worked for her, and her family.  She raised fabulous, polite, amazing kids, and they were wonderful neighbors. Her kids have all grown into perfectly well adjusted members of society. 

Recently, I left the big money community for a different kind of life.  Not the same, or better, just different.   I decided that I wanted the old small town feel that my hometown used to have before the "Big Oil" changed everything.  Deep down inside, maybe I missed the memories of my youth and the "way things used to be".   I was sad to see what my little town was turning into because of the oil influence.  In my opinion, the negatives were out weighing the positives.   Looking back now, I knew I would never ever see that life of my youth ever again.  The wheels of change were turning, and there was definitely no reverse gear on this ride.  Oil was good to us, but I still felt I was missing something. After a visit with a friend that had recently moved to a quiet little town, I knew thats where I needed to be.  I wanted my own children to experience what kind of life I had as a youth and so we made the big move to a quieter community.

Fast forward to today.  After spending a few years in a town that is not owned by Oil, and re-entering the workforce, I see some very distinct differences.  There is no wool pulled over your eyes, and no safety of  Oil money to cushion the "ups and downs" of the economy.  Outside of the protective dome of the Oil, you feel the bumps in the economy, and it has been a bumpy ride.  Jobs are not constant and here, they are valued as if it is your last. There is competition for that one job, and that one job is not just considered a step to something else, better, that will come along.  Money is earned, and then saved because it seems as though here they have felt the reality and know with each "up", a new "down" is not too far behind.  There is a different kind of talk in a town that is not owned by Oil....

I too have felt that bump.  For the first time ever, since re-entering workforce again, the tables have been turned.   Along with many others in our department, my hours have been cut at my job.  We are suffering the state of the local economy, or perhaps our employers inability to manage, and no one really knows what the future will hold for any of us.  I have never ever experienced a moment in my own life where for once there were more people than hours available to give.  This is a new kind of ride for me.  There is nothing like a good wake up call to help you examine where you are in life.  A call to realize that you are expendable in the workforce.  Just a number on your employers bottom line.   I am employee #84509.  That's it, nothing more.  Gone are the days where you could shrug your shoulders and move on to the next waiting employer, just because you felt like it. 

Now that my children are older, and I am back to work and facing this new situation,  its time to take a moment to re-evaluate.  The cut back in hours is perhaps a great kick in the butt to maybe move on to something new.  A wake-up call.  Maybe its a call to focus on myself.  Move on towards the next phase in my life.   Start something new, so I am never again in a situation where I question my value in the workforce outside of  my own four walls.   Today, with the change in the economy in my new community I have a new appreciation of my value.  To to my employer, I am just a number on the bottom line.  I am expendible like a commodity to be bought and sold.  To my children though, I am priceless. Despite this bump, I know my worth in my childs life, and I know that the time I spent with them was worth every penny that did not get deposited into my bank account.  Over the years I earned a different kind of paycheck.  One that I am very still very proud of, and the only one worth anything to me..

Friend or Foe???

Had something interesting happen to me today......... really made me think.......

Just an ordinary day of wandering around the local mall with my daughter, enjoying a quiet Sunday afternoon. A bit of window shopping, lunch at the food court, with a final stop at the very large Chapters book store on our way out. As my daughter headed towards the novel section, I made a bee line to the massive magazine display. I love to read magazines, and often spend way too much time in that area of the bookstore.  I had grabbed a few of my favorites off the shelf and proceeded to try to find the elusive "chair" that Chapters has strategically placed around the store for customers to use while reading a magazine or two.  A quick glance around, and I realized that they were all occupied by someone with the same idea as myself.  Hmmmm, a bit irritated, I decided anyway to try to find a table with books stacked flat on them that was a perfect height for me to lay my magazine on, and then I could just stand there for a few minutes and flick through the articles that I just had to read. 
I had stood there for maybe five or ten minutes reading, and subconciously zoned out whoever was around me as the article I was reading was pretty interesting.  Every so often, peripherally, out of the corner of my eye, I would notice someone milling around  as they re-viewed  a book or two at the table where I was standing.  Someone would appear, then move off to another section as they made their selection of book.   People would appear, then leave, another would appear, so on, and so on.
I honestly don't know how long it was before I noticed a man was standing directly in front of me on the other side of the table I was at.  I kept reading my magazine and a couple of minutes more went by before I heard him speak.
In somewhat broken English - he asked me "If I spoke Russian, or do you know any one who speaks Russian?" as he lifted the cover slightly of the book that he was looking at.
"Pardon?" I replied.
"I'm new here, and I am not looking for girlfriend or anything, just looking to make friends, meet people" 
My mind raced for a split second as I glanced up and tried to do the "womans-spidey-sense-once-over" of this complete stranger that suddenly decided to strike up some small talk. There were no "danger! run-like -hell-bells-and-whistles" going off, but that was probably because I was in a very busy public place, not alone.
"No, I do not speak Russian" I replied.
"It's very hard to make friend, find people, to talk"  is what I thought he said, but I really was not completely sure as his English was quite broken.
"Yes, especially Russian........I don't know.......of anyone" was my final reply as my daughter, who was in another area of the store walked up to us in mid-conversation.  I felt somewhat akward, and I was slightly relieved at her strangely perfect timing.
"Your ready to leave hon?" I mentioned to my daughter as I we proceeded to leave.
"Good luck" I said to him as I casually walked away towards the exit and did not look back.  The interesting part was the look in his eyes that I noticed, and the way that I felt as I walked away.  There was a strange slight lonliness to his eyes, and a strange slight guiltiness in me for not striking up more small talk.  I have no idea why this particular person and moment made me feel that way.  Really.....why should I feel guilty??  I did not know the man from Adam and would likely never ever see him again. 
Perhaps it was the compassion that we are born with as humans.  The desire to need or be needed.  We are hard-wired to feel emotion, to know when we are loved, or hated, even before birth. How you are treated, even in Utero, can alter your emotional path in life.  This response has been scientifically proven.  As humans we also have an instinct to survive, to protect our own selves as well.  The "fight or flight" response.  I have used both of these responses in different situations in my own life.  Often, in retrospect I knew I  made the right choice without a doubt, yet in others I still wonder if I did the right thing.I wonder in the past, if I had made the opposite choice, how would that have changed my own path in life? or even the life of a complete stranger.
 
Perhaps at that very moment I was walking away from someone who could have been the most interesting person I would ever meet in my lifetime.  Someone with an amazing life.  A new found best friend. Someone who genuinely just needed someone to be a friend to them.  Someone born with emotions and feelings the same as myself.  Just human. We are not born knowing immediately who is to be our friend in life. As life plays out, we choose them. We decide. We make the connection.

On the other hand, perhaps today, I was walking away from a Psychopath.  Someone who chose me as his target. He may have followed me around that bookstore and decided at that exact table to strike up a conversation and make his move. Walking away may have altered not only his life, but my own as well.  Choosing the flight option may have been the best decision I have ever made.  I wonder how this situation may have played out yet, I will never, ever, really know.  Its unfortunate that a human could make another human wonder this to even begin with.  I shudder to think of the atrocities that we as species inflict on another and what we are capable of.  Unspeakable acts.

Who knows what cards you will be dealt with.  It's like the well known "Fork in the road" story.  Do you go left, or do you go right? or the common "do you choose door number one? or door number two?"
What is the connection  makes a human decide who is going to be the friend, or foe?